{"title":"The Full Reading","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe original, unredacted. Every reading exactly as the Standards Board approved it. Over 18s only.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"cuntometer-tee-natural","title":"Cuntometer Tee – Natural","description":"\u003cdiv data-poks=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial issue.\u003c\/strong\u003e The Cuntometer takes a reading on everyone, from Funny Cunt up to JBone. JBone is off the chart. You’ll know one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe full Cuntometer on the back, 32 cm across. The gauge logo on the chest. Printed in the UK when you order. 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Results may offend.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"What The Actual!","offers":[{"title":"Jet Black \/ X-Small","offer_id":62628620534130,"sku":"JH001-JBK-XS","price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ Small","offer_id":62628620566898,"sku":"JH001-JBK-S","price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ Medium","offer_id":62628620599666,"sku":"JH001-JBK-M","price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ Large","offer_id":62628620632434,"sku":"JH001-JBK-L","price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ X-Large","offer_id":62628620665202,"sku":"JH001-JBK-XL","price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ 2X-Large","offer_id":62628620697970,"sku":"JH001-JBK-2XL","price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1006\/9114\/9170\/files\/mockup-46778fd689705c809f65055d469bcd5f.png?v=1792988885"},{"product_id":"fill-to-find-out-heat-reveal-mug","title":"Fill to Find Out – Heat-Reveal Mug","description":"\u003cdiv data-poks=\"1\"\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFill to find out.\u003c\/strong\u003e Black and innocent when it’s empty. 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Hand it to someone and watch them work it out.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  \n  96\n \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  Normal\n  0\n  \n  \n  \n  \n  false\n  false\n  false\n  \n  EN-US\n  X-NONE\n  X-NONE\n  \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n  \n  \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n  \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 10]\u003e\n\u003cstyle\u003e\n \/* Style Definitions *\/\ntable.MsoNormalTable\n\t{mso-style-name:\"Table Normal\";\n\tmso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;\n\tmso-tstyle-colband-size:0;\n\tmso-style-noshow:yes;\n\tmso-style-priority:99;\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\tmso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;\n\tmso-para-margin:0in;\n\tmso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:12.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--StartFragment--\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003e11oz ceramic mug.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eGlossy black finish with white ceramic inner. \u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eHeat-sensitive mug reveals design when hot.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eHand wash only.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c!--EndFragment--\u003e\u003cp\u003eHand wash only. Keep it out of the microwave and the dishwasher, or the magic wears off.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"What The Actual!","offers":[{"title":"White","offer_id":62628622860658,"sku":"COL-MUG-WHI","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1006\/9114\/9170\/files\/mockup-3ab0c0f21b98fd0067a2b813e65f70a5.png?v=1792989004"},{"product_id":"two-faced-heat-reveal-mug","title":"Two-Faced – Heat-Reveal Mug","description":"\u003cdiv data-poks=\"1\"\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTwo-faced, like its owner.\u003c\/strong\u003e One side carries the full Cuntometer, needle off the chart. The side facing the drinker says: \u003cem\u003eRelax. Only everyone else can see it.\u003c\/em\u003e Black when it’s cold; both sides appear when it’s filled with something hot.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  \n  96\n \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  Normal\n  0\n  \n  \n  \n  \n  false\n  false\n  false\n  \n  EN-US\n  X-NONE\n  X-NONE\n  \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n  \n  \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n  \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 10]\u003e\n\u003cstyle\u003e\n \/* Style Definitions *\/\ntable.MsoNormalTable\n\t{mso-style-name:\"Table Normal\";\n\tmso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;\n\tmso-tstyle-colband-size:0;\n\tmso-style-noshow:yes;\n\tmso-style-priority:99;\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\tmso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;\n\tmso-para-margin:0in;\n\tmso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:12.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--StartFragment--\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003e11oz ceramic mug.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eGlossy black finish with white ceramic inner. \u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eHeat-sensitive mug reveals design when hot.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eHand wash only.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c!--EndFragment--\u003e\u003cp\u003eHand wash only. Keep it out of the microwave and the dishwasher, or the magic wears off.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"What The Actual!","offers":[{"title":"White","offer_id":62628624793970,"sku":"COL-MUG-WHI","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1006\/9114\/9170\/files\/mockup-f9e39e03df43bceacfc41bc89a85c2d7.png?v=1792989123"},{"product_id":"matching-set-heat-reveal-mug","title":"Matching Set – Heat-Reveal Mug","description":"\u003cdiv data-poks=\"1\"\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Matching Set.\u003c\/strong\u003e The full Cuntometer on one side, the gauge logo on the other, to match the tee. Black when it’s cold; pour in something hot and the reading appears.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  \n  96\n \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  Normal\n  0\n  \n  \n  \n  \n  false\n  false\n  false\n  \n  EN-US\n  X-NONE\n  X-NONE\n  \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n  \n  \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n   \n  \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 9]\u003e\u003cxml\u003e\n \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n \n\u003c\/xml\u003e\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--[if gte mso 10]\u003e\n\u003cstyle\u003e\n \/* Style Definitions *\/\ntable.MsoNormalTable\n\t{mso-style-name:\"Table Normal\";\n\tmso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;\n\tmso-tstyle-colband-size:0;\n\tmso-style-noshow:yes;\n\tmso-style-priority:99;\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\tmso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;\n\tmso-para-margin:0in;\n\tmso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:12.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\u003c![endif]--\u003e\u003c!--StartFragment--\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003e11oz ceramic mug.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eGlossy black finish with white ceramic inner. \u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eHeat-sensitive mug reveals design when hot.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eHand wash only.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c!--EndFragment--\u003e\u003cp\u003eHand wash only. Keep it out of the microwave and the dishwasher, or the magic wears off.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"What The Actual!","offers":[{"title":"White","offer_id":62628625383794,"sku":"COL-MUG-WHI","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1006\/9114\/9170\/files\/mockup-f3095de07e4bd204318b714b198f0d15.png?v=1792989184"},{"product_id":"personalised-cuntometer-bauble","title":"Personalised Cuntometer Bauble","description":"\u003cdiv data-poks=\"1\"\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePut their name off the chart.\u003c\/strong\u003e A ceramic bauble with the Cuntometer on it and their name in the JBone slot, where only the very best end up. Type their name in the box above, up to 10 letters.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFeatures:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eRound ceramic hanging ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eHole at the top of the ornament for string or ribbon, perfect for hanging on the Christmas tree.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eAll ornaments will be shipped with either a red ribbon or gold string for hanging. \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003e7.5cm x 7.5cm with approx thickness of 3mm.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted to order in the UK. Check the spelling: we print exactly what you type.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"What The Actual!","offers":[{"title":"Ceramic \/ Circular","offer_id":62630204047730,"sku":"ORN-CER-CIRCLE","price":11.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1006\/9114\/9170\/files\/mockup-c67118219e2a72aff15f06ba20abd4e0.png?v=1793004797"},{"product_id":"personalised-christmas-card-you-proper-cunt","title":"Personalised Christmas Card – You Proper Cunt","description":"\u003cdiv data-poks=\"1\"\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYou Proper Cunt.\u003c\/strong\u003e A printed Christmas card with their name off the chart. Type it in the box above, up to 12 letters. Season’s greetings.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eBlank inside\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eRegular size: 105 x 148mm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eLarge size: 148 x 210mm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003eEnvelope: White\u003c\/li\u003e\n\t\u003cli\u003ePrinted in the UK on high-quality 300gsm Matte card\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted to order in the UK. Check the spelling: we print exactly what you type.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"What The Actual!","offers":[{"title":"Regular - A6","offer_id":62630287966578,"sku":"GC-A6","price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1006\/9114\/9170\/files\/mockup-e3059d60f900de39f47337517111416b.png?v=1793005041"},{"product_id":"personalised-head-chef-apron","title":"Personalised Head Chef Apron","description":"\u003cdiv data-poks=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHead Chef, officially.\u003c\/strong\u003e Their name across the top as \u003cem\u003eBig Dave’s Kitchen\u003c\/em\u003e, and the Cuntometer underneath with their name off the chart. For whoever does Christmas dinner and won’t let anyone forget it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThere are two boxes above. The first is the name with ’s for the top (BIG DAVE’S). 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